It's That Time of Year!

Spring is here and with it means....

• Warmer temperatures
• A growing garden
• More time outside
• Homeschool planning!!

I have to admit.... I actually like planning for homeschool better than I like teaching!

So, these last 2 years have been nice as my teenagers have transitioned to a time where they do their schoolwork completely on their own.  I answer questions and I grade tests and papers.

I LOVE it!

Life is going to change next year!  We will be homeschooling our youngest, who has been in public school his entire life.

We couldn't homeschool him until our adoption was final and since that didn't happen until late March and school is out in June, we decided to leave him in public school for the rest of this school year.

W has some learning issues, so that is bringing a perspective into our homeschool that I've never dealt with before.  My teens were very easy to plan for and they could do a lot of work on their own or with minimal intervention on my part, even in elementary school.

It's going to be quite the learning experience on my part.

We've realized during W's spring break that he has a difficult time even playing on his own!  He wants someone to play with him all the time... He doesn't even respond well to ideas of what he can play with.  Seeing all of that developing last week, even our summer break is going to be "interesting".

I already know we'll be playing lots of games, doing a lot of reading, and having short blocks of instructional time.

I also know that this will be labor intensive on my part....  I'm going to be exhausted!

So, why would I choose to tire myself out, have little to no "me" time in order to homeschool a child with some learning issues?  Because I've seen what public school has done for him.  And I'm not impressed.

Now before you think I'm going to bash all public schools, teachers and parent who send their kids to public school, think again!  All I'm saying is that for THIS child and THIS situation, homeschooling is the way to go.  

I hope to address some character issues, increase our family bonding, improve his academic learning by teaching him according to his learning style and ability, and teach him important life skills.

We learned already this past year that for him, getting home at 4pm and trying to address all of the above issues is impossible.  So, while I enjoyed the quiet day time of this past year, I'm giving it all up to homeschool a child that is so very different from my teenagers.

Even planning is harder.  It's overwhelming.  Internet searches aren't even very helpful.

So, I've got a school schedule of 5-7 weeks of school and 1 week off... we can use that week off to regroup, if necessary, sleep late, take a field trip, do nothing....

I've got a basic schedule of things I want to do with W, but I'm sure that will change as I look toward the details of his day.

You may think I've got plenty of time to get this planning done, but I really don't.  With the chance of me having foot surgery still there, I need to get things done earlier than normal in case I lose weeks of prep time.  My teens are going on a mission trip in June and I'll also need to get them ready for that.  

I like to have all my prep and purchases done by the end of June and this year, it may even have to be done by the end of May.  So, time is ticking and I'm not ready yet!

  

 

FINALLY!!!

We weren't expecting to hear this news until mid April, but here it is...

 The adoption is final!!

Even though this is a BIG day in our family, it still doesn't change much.  From the day he moved in our home last summer, we considered him part of our family.  Now we just have the paperwork to prove that!

It may seem funny or odd to the rest of you but there are two things that make me most happy now that it's official:

1. No more paperwork!!  We had to fill out a daily grid that tracked his behavior and experiences relating to his goals.  We filled out daily paperwork for his medication.  We filled out a monthly list of contacts.  We filled out a monthly list of doctors or therapist visits, activities we took him on (at least 3 were required each month for the type of care he's in), and the date we had a fire drill.  I understand why we had to do this, but it was still annoying to keep up with.
2. More freedom!!  Only our approved support people could be with him without my husband or I present.  Our wonderful neighbors agreed to be support people (they didn't know what they got themselves into!) as well as my parents.  I can't imagine getting through this process without having those support people!  Now that we have more freedom, I can leave him with friends of our family too and that's a HUGE help!

 When he got home from school today, I told him the exciting news... As we had thought, his reaction was minimal and he just wanted to play some Wii!  I had to actually show him the adoption decree stating his new name!  Thankfully, he already had a therapist appointment scheduled for this afternoon so they can talk and help him process this new concept of adoption.

We had already planned on having take out for dinner tonight, so we are adding a special candy treat to that and having a small celebration!  A friend of mine is going to make us a special cake next week.  He also gets his traditional Friday bubble bath tonight, he can play Wii and on his IPod and can stay up just a little bit late as a special time to mark this special day.

So, now we are officially a family of FIVE!  Sure, we've lived like this for almost 9 months, but there's something a little different today. 


 

Getting Closer...

I got an email the other day from our adoption social worker that this long process is soon coming to an end.  The word from the clerk is that they will mail our adoption decree the beginning of April!

From the moment he moved into our home last July, he has been a member of our family.  He calls us "Mommy" and "Daddy" and refers to the teenagers as his brother and sister.  He even argues with us all as if he's been in our family for years!  But his last name is different than ours and that is what this decree will change.

It has been a long time in coming.

We were told we could file for adoption in early October, except we were waiting on other people to get their paperwork in order and that didn't happen until early January.

Then when we filed, there were problems with how the paperwork was filled out (not on our end) so the process was delayed while those things were corrected.

It's a 30-90 day process and when it's all over, I think we will hit over 80 days... With the way things sometimes go for us, that was expected by us even when no one else thought it would happen that way.

By the time we have the decree in our hand, it will have been 2 years from when we first made the phone call saying we were interested in adoption through foster care.  To some, that may seem like a long time, but it really isn't.  There were countless hours of training (and we have more to go to keep our foster care license current!), homestudy visits and meetings. 

It was actually pretty fast in the adoption world because from the day we submitted our list of children we were interested in learning more about until our first meeting about our soon to be son, it was only 6 weeks!  

From the day he moved into our house until the day the adoption is final will be right around 9 months... Just like a regular birth!

We plan on having a small family celebration once that decree is in our hand... Some take out from a favorite place and a cake that my friend is going to make that will show our new family.

I'm sure some of you are wondering if we're going to do this again.  And I can give my answer with great confidence.... MAYBE!  I have my eye on a young boy on the website, but I'm afraid that with the uncertainty of the healing of my broken foot, we won't be able to pursue anything right now.  So, who knows.... maybe later this year?  Maybe next year?  Maybe never.... God only knows at this point.  We do hope to do some respite care (taking care of someone else's foster child for a short period of time) and maybe even foster again.

So, what will I miss from this process?

• Our wonderful therapeutic and adoption social workers.... We have laughed together and they have been with me through pneumonia and a broken foot...

What will I not miss?

• Paperwork!  Oh my goodness, just when you think the pre-placement paperwork is over, there's the therapeutic paperwork!  In our state, there are 2 levels of foster care- family and therapeutic.  You get different amounts of reimbursement and so there are different levels of work involved.  With therapeutic care, there is daily medication paperwork, daily behavior paperwork, monthly contacts and monthly information, including what activities you have included the child in.  I will NOT miss this aspect of things!
• Asking permission to give OTC meds, take him out of state, etc.  I understand WHY we have to do this, but it's still a pain to have to defer to others who may not care what our choices or plans are.  Thankfully, his worker has been very accomodating.
• Training, training, and.... MORE training!  I also understand the need for training, but at some point you realize they're saying the same thing over and over again...

 We're looking forward to that day when it is all official!

 

Adoption Update

It's been quite awhile since I posted anything specific regarding where we are in the adoption process.  Since I actually have an update, I figured it was a good time to share!

In late August, in a phone conference with the social worker and Guardian ad Litem in the county where W was in foster care, we were encouraged to file the adoption paperwork soon after the early October date when we could legally file.  We had to wait 3-6 months from the date of his placement in our home before we could file.  Because things were going so well, it was recommended we file after 3 months.  We were all in agreement and I was told that the adoption worker in that county would begin preparing the paperwork we needed to file in our county.

October came and went...

November came and went...

Our adoption worker was keeping in touch with the other adoption worker and was only told that she was working on the paperwork.

Finally, in mid December, we were told all the paperwork had arrived to our agency!  Apparently we were waiting on the original birth certificate.  I thought that was an easy document to order, but apparently it can take up to 6 weeks to receive and who knows when the order was placed.  Regardless, the paperwork arrived just before Christmas and was ready for us to sign and get notarized.

Unfortunately, we received the paperwork on a Thursday afternoon, too late to go to the bank to get it notarized.  My husband worked all day Friday, Monday and Tuesday.  Our credit union was closed on the next Wednesday.  He worked again all day on Thursday and Friday.  So, it was 10 days from when we received the paperwork until we could get it notarized!  

I need to go with our adoption social worker to file the paperwork so we scheduled a date.... in another week!  

At this point it's really ok. What's another 1-2 weeks when we've already waited 3 months longer than we thought?  And while we wait, we still receive our foster care payments, which are much more than we will receive in adoption assistance.  So, it's all good and we really have nothing much to complain about!

After we file the paperwork, it will be an additional 30-90 days of waiting while it's processed.  We've been told it will take at least 30 days, but really shouldn't take as long as 90.  We'll just expect it to take 90 and then be pleasantly surprised when it's less.

I'll continue to use the waiting time to prepare for homeschooling W, either when the adoption is final or in the next school year.  I'll post more details about that in a future post.



 

What a Weekend!

I knew ahead of time it was going to be a crazy weekend... But I didn't plan for this kind of crazy!

My husband was on night shift, working 6pm-6am all weekend.

My son had a soccer tournament over an hour away Friday evening and Saturday morning.

My daughter had to babysit at our house Friday evening.

Our youngest had Open House at his school Friday afternoon.

I thought I had it ALL planned out... Who was going where, when and with whom...

And then it hit!

The stomach virus!

It hit our youngest mid week, but we had no idea that it actually was a virus.  We just thought it had to do with some eating issues we were addressing.

But then around midnight on Friday, we realized it was something more and that he needed to go to the doctor on Saturday.  And that no one would be able to take him without a drastic change in schedule.

When you realize this at midnight and have to wake up at 5am to go to a soccer game, it's not like you can get in touch with the parent of a teammate to arrange transportation.  I was going to have to go to the tournament, which I was fine with since I had missed the games on Friday.

But the youngest HAD to go to the doctor and that left my husband, who would not be able to work until 6am AND take him to the doctor.

So, my husband came home at midnight, picking up a few things at the store on his way home.  I know he was conflicted about it; he had no problem helping out at home, but he knew he'd be leaving the other working supervisor in a bind by himself... But father duty called and won out that night!

After waiting up for my husband to come home while doing a load of laundry at midnight and hand washing my son's uniform, I figure I got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep that night.  

And I think that's what did me in...

I came down with the stomach bug on Sunday morning!

We had already decided we'd stay home from church so that the youngest could be all better for the first day of school, so at least we weren't headed out the door when the pains hit.

Around 11am, I had to kick my husband out of the bed to sleep in the bonus room so that we could both get some sleep.  The older 2 kept up with the youngest and things went decently.

My husband did his very best to take care of everything when he woke up that afternoon... He cooked dinner, hung out with the kids, cleaned up a little, as well as got EVERYTHING ready for the youngest kid's first day of school.  Since we haven't sent a kid to school for 9 years, neither of us really knew what we were doing.... But he has his lunch and supplies and hopefully that was all he needed!  My husband went into work a few hours late to get the youngest in bed and everything else settled for the night...

To top it all off, I didn't know how I'd feel in the morning, so my husband also had to cover that... So instead of coming home at 6am and going to sleep, he worked until 7am and stayed up to make breakfast and take the youngest and our neighbor's child to school.  

In the midst of all this craziness, there was (at least) one good thing...

My biggest concern with starting school during night shift was the lack of time that the youngest would be able to spend with my husband.  The older 2 and I are very used to this crazy schedule and not getting to see him, but the youngest is new to this and needs to see Dad whenever he can.  Because of this crazy weekend, he was able to see Dad more than the rest of us did!

 

Let's Do It!!

We're approaching August 31st... Does that date hold any significance for you or your children?

Perhaps it means your child will have just started the new school year.  You've finished spending quite a bit of money on school supplies, clothes, maybe even a new computer.

Maybe your child is in a year round school schedule and is approaching the first track out period where you're looking forward to doing some fun things together.

Depending on your area of the country, maybe that date means only a few more days until the new school year starts and you're making preparations and finding out who their teacher is, etc.

But for 16 year old kids in Ukraine, that date has an entirely different meaning.  

That's the day where they are on their own...

August 31st signals the day when orphanages in Ukraine send 16 year olds out the door and into the world on their own...

With a backpack and a bus ticket...

No parents or mentors...

Little to no job skills...

Barely any life skills, beyond fighting for your basic needs...

NO chance at adoption...

Into a country that considers orphans the worst of the worst...

Within a few years, while these kids are still teenagers, 80% of them will end up in poverty...

In a life of crime...

As prostitutes...

With an addiction...

In prison...

Or dead...

So, why should we care about kids halfway around the world, you might ask?

Why should we care when there are kids in our foster care system who need our help?

These are good questions... and I might just offend some people with my answers...

Why is it one versus the other?

Why should Americans help only those in Ukraine (or China, or Africa, etc) and not those in the US?  OR

Why should Americans help only those in the US and no children in other countries?

Here is my question...

Why can't we help BOTH?

There are many people who wonder why families want to adopt from foreign countries when there are many in our foster system who need help... That is a legitimate question IF the person asking it was in fact doing something to help children in our country...  

You do NOT have to adopt from either the US foster care system or a foreign country to show your care and compassion for orphans. 

Sometimes it's as simple as buying something!  

Think of what you might spend money on this week:

Groceries, clothes, gas, electricity...

ALL good things...

But maybe, just maybe, there is room in your budget so that 2 orphans can have a FAMILY?!

Yes, you have probably figured out that I am blogging about my friend April, whose family is adopting TWO orphans from Ukraine who desperately want and need a family.  Who am I to sit in my comfortable house in my easy life and deny those children the chance to have a family?

MANY of my friends have stepped up for April in different ways.  Some have donated items that are being auctioned on her Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.484762421535164.114868.482330258445047&type=1)... Some have bid on those items... Others have asked for donations from friends and family... Others are praying... I'm sure some have even donated money (http://www.eliproject.org/families-in-process/the-mclaughlin-family/)

I'm trying to get the word out so that April and her family can bring their children home quickly.  One more day in an orphanage is TOO long!

So, I'm asking for your help!

Can you give?  Bid?  Share?

Of course, I am asking for your prayers as well, because we know this is GOD's battle and HE desires these children to have a forever family.

Please ask yourself what you are able to do... And then DO IT! 

What Are You Willing To Do?

Another one of my friends is adopting!

April and her family are in the beginning stages of adopting 2 siblings from Ukraine.  They are filling out their paperwork and getting their physicals, fingerprints and homestudy done.

But the hardest part of this journey could just be in the funding of the adoption...  This adoption will cost them at least $30,000!

I'm sure some of you wonder why they would spend that much money to adopt... Let me tell you, if you meet an orphan who so desperately wants and needs a home and you have a home... You will do whatever you need to do to bring those children home!

Not every family can adopt... If you are a family with a heart for orphans, but you are not able to adopt, you have the privilege of helping April and her family adopt 2 from Ukraine!

Here is the link to their donations page:

http://www.eliproject.org/families-in-process/the-mclaughlin-family/

If you are able to give, that is greatly appreciated.

If you are able to link this to Facebook or send in an email to some friends who might be able to give, that is also needed.

I have seen an outpouring of support from my friends (who have never met April!) as they are donating items to the online auction April is having to raise money for the adoption.

Let's help bring these children home to their forever family!

ANY amount, large or small, is welcome!

 

 

Testing, Testing...

Sure enough, we have been tested!

After about 3 weeks of all of us getting used to our new family of 5, we finally saw it.  An entire day of testing!  

I won't go into specifics on it, but none of it was horrible, it just was constant.  It was as if he was saying "Let's just see how much of it they can take and STILL love me!"

Thankfully, my husband was home from work and he was able to take care of it.  There are rules we have to follow on how we can and can't discipline and we do follow them.  Time Out and removal of privileges is working well and in reading back through his bio, it has also worked well in the past.  We also talk with him about proper behavior and why he needs to listen and obey.

We are all realizing just how much patience we will need to have during this adjustment period.  What I think is funny, is that I seem to be fairly patient and I would consider myself one of the least patient people in the family!  Perhaps it's because I've read and re-read enough of his history to understand his limitations.  I am constantly reminding my older children that they will have to be patient and will have to explain things many, many times...

We are making a few adjustments to our night time schedule to allow the older kids some time to re-group.  Bedtime for "W" has been moved earlier and this has worked well for all these last few days.  Now that he's eating and sleeping well, he needs to catch up on all the sleep he's lost in the past few years and he hasn't fought us at all (yet?) on this new bedtime.

"W" does like us reading his Day By Day Bible to him each night.  I have enjoyed my Read Through the Bible in a Year plan and his Bible goes through the entire Bible, but in a format that is easy for kids to understand.  It keeps Truth intact while allowing for kids to follow along well.  I think we'll be reading this Bible over and over again through the years!

 

A Rollercoaster Week!

I can't believe we survived last week!

Thankfully, "W" continues to adjust well into our family...

Here's a brief look at some of the craziness that happened within the first 3 days of last week:

• My husband was on night shift... Which is normally hard... But he had to start work at 6pm, which means I needed to have dinner ready by 5pm.
• My son had two nights of soccer practice... Which started at 5pm...
• "W" had an appointment that kept us two towns away at the moment that my husband needed dinner AND my son needed to be at soccer! 
• Knowing the schedule for the coming 2-3 weeks would also be very busy, I was determined to get the house cleaned... I just was hardly home for two days in a row so it was virtually impossible to do...
• I forgot to put dinner in the Crock Pot on that same night, so there was not hot meal for my husband to eat before he left for work.
• The AC unit in our upstairs bonus room stopped working over that weekend, so add a visit from the repair man in to an already crazy day!
• I tried to register "W" at his school and was told that since the school year had technically started the day before, I would need to drive 45 minutes away to register him... I'm still trying to figure out when we can add THAT in to the schedule!
• On the first night my husband didn't have to work, he had a meeting at church that was longer than I expected, which meant he was gone for over 2 hours when we all had seriously not seen him for much more than an hour total over the previous 72 hours. 

In the midst of the crazy moments, there were just as many times of wonderful!

• My husband is so low key that not only did he not mind eating a slice of 3 day old pizza and a hot dog leftover from lunch for his dinner when I forgot to make it, BUT he also cleaned our bathroom for me while I took "W" to his appointment!  All after working all night and sleeping through the noise we were all trying so hard NOT to make!
• My friend and her husband went out of their way to transport my son BOTH WAYS for one of his soccer practices since both my husband and I were unavailable. 
• The bonus room losing AC was the best case scenario since it is an optional room for us.
• My husband sleeps so well on night shift that he didn't hear us trying not to make noise!
• My daughter and her friend made dinner for us on the night I forgot about the Crock Pot... Mac and Cheese and Strawberry Smoothies never tasted SO good!
• We were able to go on a tour of "W's" new school and he seems to be really excited, although I'm still not thrilled about spending 3+ hours getting him enrolled sometime this month.
• "W" was invited to a birthday party of a boy he knows from church and had a wonderful time with his new friend at the pool!
• Our family of 5 was able to spend 2 days at the beach... Thinking we'd cram into a hotel room... But ending up being able to spend the night in a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom house with a pool and hot tub... FOR FREE!  It was 15 minutes from the beach and "W" LOVES the ocean!  I think we'll go back next summer, maybe even for the week!
• "W" continues to adjust well into our family, bonding well with us all.  He is starting to test us some, but it's nothing unexpected or all that bad.

So, last week really had MORE wonderful than it had crazy...


Looking forward to the coming weeks of wonderful and crazy!

It's Move In Day!

After over a year of active work, over 72 hours of classes, stacks of paperwork, a homestudy, a list of 20 children, a couple thousand miles on the car, many trips for pick up and drop off, 8 visits totaling over 30 days.....

It's MOVE IN DAY!

In some ways, this feels like it has taken a while... In other ways, it's been a short amount of time.  I know there are people who are waiting YEARS to adopt through foster care.  From the time we submitted our list of children we were interested in until the date of our first meeting about him, it was only 1 month.  That is pretty quick.

Then came the meetings and visits, too many to really count.

The visits were important in us getting to know him and in him getting to know us.  It was hard to give up so much time (a full day each week was spent in picking up and dropping off) in transportation, but it was worth it in the end to spend time together. 

Our schedule has been CRAZY during the past few months in trying to figure in these visits along with my husband's work schedule.  He doesn't have weekends off like many other people do.  He needed to take some days off in order to spend any time with us during each of the May weekend visits.  Thankfully, he has a lot of time he can use as well as some understanding supervisors who were willing to work with him to give him time with his new family.

It all comes down to today... It's our last trip 2 hours away to that Chick Fil A we have spent so much time at these past few months.  This time, it's forever.

My husband has taken a few hours off to be here when we get home. 

We have planned an easy dinner but one that he has enjoyed in the past: Chicken Quesdadillas, salad and homemade vanilla ice cream with crushed M&M's and Heath Bar on top.  We'll probably play some Wii (it will be too hot to play basketball) and he'll have 3 small gifts to open in celebration of him joining our family.

And then will start the adjustment period.  

We'll have lots of appointments to go to to get him established at his new doctors.

I'm curious to see how he'll be after about 2 weeks here.  Even with his longer visits with us, none were over 12 days.  I'm sure he'll have some sadness at missing his foster family, even while he's excited about being with us.

We've got some fun things planned for the summer... A day trip to the beach, swimming at friend's pools, going to the local museum, going to the movies, and more.

I've tried to not overschedule my days so that we have some time to spend together. Obviously, there are things we need to get done, but some things can wait while we have good family bonding time.


I won't be posting any pictures of "the boy" on Facebook because as of now he is our foster child and there are rules about those things.  I don't even know when or if I'll be able to post his name.  I'm already kind of secret about those things out here in blog-land...  So, just put up with us as you are able to hear some updates but really not experience it all like you might want to!


Continue to pray for our family as we bond together and as we need patience during this transition time!

Last visit!

We are only a few days away from the end of our LAST visit!

This visit will end up being 12 days and it has been a good visit overall.  "The boy" is still getting used to having a big brother and big sister who are on his side.  He is still getting used to our family and our crazy schedule.  He is still getting used to sharing a room.

We have seen improvements in every area and we are thankful for that.  We know that there is a strong chance that we will not face the tough issues until he actually moves in.

He still refers to his foster family as "mom" and "dad" and talks about getting to go "home" in a few days.  That is all to be expected because that is the life he's known for 3 years.

He also talks about his "new school" every time we drive past and he has been asking more questions about his teacher and when classes start and end....and if they will have a basketball to play with. 

During this visit, he has gotten the chance to meet more family and friends.  He is doing very well with all the new people. 

It will be a little strange to send him back to his foster home this week, but he needs those 10 days to spend with them.

I know there will be a transition time when he moves in....We're all already use to each other, so that's good.  But he will have to process that this is his home and I think that will be hard for him.  He will still be able to call his foster family a few nights of week, but that will become less frequent as he gets settled into our family.

On our end, we've all had to work on being patient in answering the many questions, reminding him about different things, and getting used to everything.   


We're looking forward to becoming a family of 5!

Caring for Orphans

** I struggled with writing this post.... Please read this with an open heart and an open mind... I'm not judging anyone... I'm simply sharing my heart... **
  
Psalm 68:5, 6a "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families..."

James 1:27  "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." 

I saw this picture on Facebook today from Hope for Orphans....(http://www.hopefororphans.org/Display.asp?Page=home)

Look at those statistics again.... 2 BILLION Christians.... 132 MILLION orphans...

I suppose on one hand, reading that could make me think that there are plenty of other Christians in this world who can care for orphans and that I don't have to do anything.

On the other hand, this could make me really consider what my role is in caring for orphans.

I do want to say that I do NOT think that every Christian should adopt.  For some it is simply not possible due to a number of reasons.  But that does not prevent us from caring for orphans in some way.  There are other ways to help besides adoption.

• Foster care
• Respite care (short term care for foster children)
• Orphan hosting
• Giving money so others can adopt, even if it's only a little bit
• Pray

I think sometimes we as Christians pray and call it a day, when there's more we could be doing.  

Do you have a friend who is adopting and you could give of your excess to help?  Or is God asking you to sacrifice something so that your friend (or maybe even a complete stranger) can adopt?

We are sometimes so over-committed that we have no time to give to host an orphan for 5 weeks over the summer or Christmas holiday.  I understand that some families have work commitments that wouldn't make this possible.  I'm also not saying that option is for everyone, but it's an option that many people don't know is even available.

If God IS calling you to adopt, do your research!  Sure, adoption is a wonderful thing.  It is a parallel to how we as Christians have been adopted by God into His family.  But it's not an easy road.  Many children available for adoption, both from foreign countries and through US foster care, have needs that we might not be aware of until they move into our home.  We need to consider how this will impact our family, both positively and negatively.

God does give us good things to enjoy.... Vacations, nice houses, cars, sports, shopping.... These are not bad things!  But are our hearts and lives occupied in pursuing these things that we have no time or resources left to care for orphans?

I strongly believe that there are many Christians that would adopt if finances allowed them.

I strongly believe there are Christians who have the resources to provide for others to adopt.

I strongly believe there are other Christians who could provide free childcare so that those who are called to foster children could attend the many hours of required training.

I strongly believe that many of us could give up something in our budget to give to a family who is adopting.

I strongly believe that there are some who have talents that could be used for orphans, whether on mission trips, adoption fundraisers or orphan advocacy.

There is something that each of us can give.  It might be a lot, or it might be a little.  What can YOU give to provide for the care of orphans?

Here are some resources if you are interested in learning more about orphan care....


www.orphansunday.org
www.showhope.org
www.hopefororphans.com
www.reesesrainbow,org
www.newhorizonsforchildren.org
www.adoptuskids.org 

 

Another Weekend Visit....

I really shouldn't complain....

These frequent weekend visits are a great introduction into what our family is going to be in just a few short weeks....

But the driving to our meeting spot to pick up and drop off is wearing me out.  It's just about a 2 hour drive each way so it ends up being a 5 hour round trip ordeal when you add in a bathroom break and waiting on the other people to arrive.  So, for every visit, we spend 10 hours in transportation.... And entire day of the week...

We thankfully only have to do this 3-4 more times before move in day.  Any more than that and I think I'd be worn out.  We've already made that trip 11 times....

On a lighter note, I've driven this route so often that I think I could do it in my sleep... But I won't try that.

This weekend's visit was short (less than 48 hours) but fun... We got home close to dinner time on Friday and my husband was halfway through a 12 hour off duty job so we hung out and had an easy dinner.  "The boy" slept well that night, as he always does the first night of a visit.  Saturday ended up being what we imagine is a typical Saturday for most families (with my husband's line of work he has worked half of the Saturdays of the last 16 years so we don't have very many "typical" family Saturdays....) .  We visited a local farm and saw some cows, lots of chickens and a few big, fat pigs.  We bought some bacon, ground beef and Chirizo sausage to try.  Then we ate lunch out and headed to a friend's office to help him and his boys pack up the last of his books so that he could move offices.  I've never seen so many books in my life!  There were just about 150 boxes of books in one office!  WOW!  Then we made a side trip to buy a skirt for me and my daughter and then on to a friend's high school graduation party.  What a fun and full day, and beautiful weather too!  Sunday we went to church and then it was time for the drop off after the weekend visit.

We have another upcoming weekend visit scheduled and then an almost 2 week visit in June before his move in date in early July.  It will be here before we know it.  There is so much to do between now and then... I have to get the next homeschool year planned for my 2 teens, we need to get our bonus room ready in case one of the teens needs to move upstairs ("the boy" doesn't always sleep well and my teen son needs sleep....), and we have several other things planned that I won't blog about until after they happen.  Even though there is a lot to do, it will help time go quickly and before we know it, our family will grow to 5!

More Visits

Last week, "the boy" stayed with us for 4 days.  It went very well and we had no problems to report.  We did hear that he had a rough night back in his foster home on Saturday, saying he doesn't want to leave them.  Since no one has yet talked to him about living in our home and being adopted, we are realizing more and more than this little boy is much more perceptive than many people give him credit for.

He's coming back today for a 9 day visit.  Coming off of his reaction back at his foster home, it will be interesting to me to see how he does with us this time.  I think he's enjoying his time with us, but loves his foster parents.  And since no one has shared with him that he can still keep in contact with them when he lives here, I think he's scared.  Hopefully his therapist will be talking to him about this to help calm his fears.

We were able to learn even more about his likes and dislikes while he stayed with us.  It is easy to entertain this boy!  We won't have to try to "impress" him with trips and visits to different places, although we do have plans to take him to museums and other places our family enjoys.  But that will be just for fun, it won't be to try to convince him that we're a great family.  He enjoys being around the house and playing Nerf basketball (we'll be buying him his own once he makes the permanent transition to our house), playing with Matchbox cars (I'm glad we saved my son's cars and track from 10 years ago!) and playing on my IPod (and he's very good about giving it back when his time is up).

I'm particularly thrilled that my husband is off work this weekend.  He was suppose to be on night shift Friday and Saturday night, but due to a week long class next week, he took the weekend off so he wouldn't be working 12 days in a row.  I know our real life with "the boy" will include my husband working weekends, but they will be able to spend some time together over the weekend and that will be so helpful.  I have lunch plans with a friend on Saturday, so it will be good for my husband and all 3 kids to hang out together for a few hours and get some good bonding time.

First Sleepover

Last week, "the boy" had his first sleepover at our house!  


I was a bit nervous, since my husband and son were in Ukraine on a church mission trip and it would be up to me and my daughter to entertain him.  


He was with us for only about 20 hours, but it was a great introduction to our home and our life.  We got to know some of the things he likes and doesn't like and we were introduced to his sense of humor.  We wrote down some of the funny things he said so we could share them with my husband and son when they returned home.


We learned he is a good eater and likes spaghetti, keifer smoothies and O's cereal from Trader Joe's.  He likes playing with Matchbox cars.  The only Lego's he enjoyed were the bus and cars.  He wasn't a big fan of playing outside, but he loved my daughter's Nerf ball and hoop.


The short visit went very well.  The only problem we had was that he was sad at bedtime because he missed his foster mom.  This was not surprising to me since she's wonderful and he has lived in their house for 3 years.  We chatted for a little while he was softly crying, but he did end up going to sleep a short time later and slept through the night without any other problems.


I've written in other posts about how I'm not a morning person.... Well, I wasn't sure how early "the boy" would wake up, so I actually was up and ready at a decent hour.... I walked toward the kids rooms and didn't even get a chance to turn on the hall light before I heard him say "Good morning!".  He was awake and sitting on his bed.  


He's coming back for a few nights this week and then again for a 9 day stay later this month.  I think this will be a great way to transition to our home.  We hope that transition will be when school is out in June.  We still have a bunch of things to do before he gets here, including buying (hopefully used) outdoor basketball goal, which he said we needed at the house.


There are still days where I kind of freak out inside.  So, I'm glad that the transition is a long one.  I think that will be good for everyone!

What A Week!

I think we have lived through one of the strangest weeks we've had in this family in quite a long time!


Last Sunday started off great.... we went to Sunday School and church as a family, attended a mission trip meeting, and then ran some errands.  I was able to upgrade my phone to a smartphone (that actually works!  I had a horrible experience with my first smartphone a year ago) and I was enjoying my pretty new phone.  We came home with just enough time to grab something to eat before the kids and I headed back to church and my husband headed off to work. 


He was suppose to work 6pm-midnight but if I've learned nothing else these years, I've learned there's no such think as "suppose to".  He got home from work at 3am.


Monday was interesting too.  I started my morning by spilling some coffee on my laptop, causing it to completely shut off.  We tried drying it out and it still wouldn't turn on.  Unfortunately, my "tech" guy (my wonderful husband) was working a weird shift, noon-midnight, so he didn't have a chance to take a look at it.  So, I could check email and Facebook on my pretty new phone and I was happy.


Tuesday was normal enough.... We had an early dinner (1:30pm) and my husband headed to work at 3pm, hoping to be home by 3am.  Around 8:30pm, I got the phone call.  He had hit a deer.  He was fine, but the deer was dead.  So, he ended up coming home around 12:45am to unload all of the important stuff out of his car so he could bring it in to be repaired.  I thought it would be fun, since I was awake anyway, to go outside in the middle of the night to take a look at the damage.  Busted headlight, cracked bumper and a bunch of deer hair was able to be seen.... Nice... Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep until 3:45am when my husband was home and ready to sleep.


Wednesday was a blurr.  I don't remember much, which probably means nothing too bad happened.


Thursday was my husband's day off from work and he had plans to go to a friend's house to help with some stuff.  Instead, he ended up in a work meeting for a few hours that afternoon.  The kids and I decided to go and help instead.  Later that evening, we had dinner at the house of some longtime friends of ours.  My husband and I didn't realize until around 12:45am that we had full caffeine coffee after 9pm that night and sleep wasn't happening for us just yet!  Two nights in one week to get to sleep after 1am is tough when you're our age!


Friday is one of my favorite days of the week.  The kids and I were able to go to a nearby park with our Homeschool group to pass out water bottles with some Easter related Scripture attached to it.  Who would've thought that park would've been so crowded!  It took me 30 minutes to find a parking space, but the group was able to pass out over 100 water bottles, planting a seed in these people's lives in telling them who Jesus is.  My husband spent the entire day helping our friends with fixing up their house.  It was great to see the progress they've been making! Later that evening, that family came over for dinner..... Six energetic kids and 4 tired parents still end up having lots of laughs and fun!


Saturday was yet another interesting day.  We left the house around 9am and headed to the Zoo to meet up with "the boy" and we were able to spend a few hours walking around the park, eating a $54 not too tasty lunch and finishing up our time with him with some ice cream and milkshakes at Chick Fil A.  We got home in just enough time to change clothes and head out to a mission trip potluck dinner with the rest of the team and we got back home just after 9pm.


I consider us normally pretty normal people, with fairly uneventful lives.  We don't try to cram too much excitement into one day or one week.  It just seems that is how this past week worked out for us.  Boy, did we have fun!  We sure worked hard!  And we spent time with a bunch of wonderful people!

The Visit

Our family had an exciting and busy 36 hours this week as we traveled a few hours away to visit with the boy we are hoping to adopt.


Details will be few on this blog as we are still fairly early in this visitation process and we're not permitted to tell much.  


We had 3 separate visits over the 36 hours we were there.  We first went to a park nearby his house and kicked the soccer ball around, talked a little and played on the playground.  In all, it was about 2 hours together.  We then made plans to come back after dinner and take him swimming at the indoor pool at our hotel.  We ended up spending close to another 2 hours together that evening.


We were told he had some anxiety overnight, which was to be expected.  He was also very excited to see us.  We would ask him if we could visit again and he said yes each time.  So, the next day we took him to another park where we kicked the football and soccer ball around for a little and then played on a pretty cool playground for a few minutes.  It was getting hot and close to lunch so we decided to go to Chick Fil A to eat.  Then we headed indoors to a local museum.  We ended up spending about 4 hours with him that day.


He was much more quiet the second day than the first, but he seemed to have a good time from what we all could tell.  I know he's so conflicted.  He's having fun visiting with us but he loves his foster family.  We will have several more visits with him over the next few months but I still anticipate the transition will be difficult when that time comes.


I still have my moments of scared and overwhelmed.  Am I prepared to parent a child with special needs, even with him being high functioning?  When I find my mind racing with that thought, I tell myself several things.....


First, God called us to adopt and this is the child for us!  There was great interest in this little boy and we were the family that was chosen and that was not by mistake or chance.


Second, if one of my children was in an accident tomorrow and as a result had some intellectual disabilities, would I love them any less or decide not to parent them through adulthood if necessary?  NO, of course not!  So it is no different with this young boy.


And finally, I ask myself what my definition of "success" is for my children.  Would I only consider them successful if they went to a top college and had a successful career?  If so, I might want to rethink my definition.  How sad it would truly be if my child had worldly success but poor character.  So, ultimately, my idea of success for my children is that they follow after God with their whole hearts, doing what HE leads in their life!  Remembering that, it makes parenting a special needs child just as hard as it ever was, but gives that job a new meaning.


We continue to ask for your prayers as we visit, plan, prepare and transition over the next few months!

10 Days Passed....

I just realized it's been 10 days since I posted on this blog.....

Apparently my last post, titled "Overwhelmed" was fairly accurate.  Not once during those 10 days did I think of this blog.  I didn't wonder what I should write about and I certainly didn't make time on my calendar to write any posts......

We did get some things done in that 10 days, though.  We (meaning my husband) painted our son's room and then the kids switched rooms.  Now, the boys will have the larger room with the bunk beds and our daughter will have the smaller room and the loft bed.  (It's still strange to say "the boyS" since we haven't yet added that second boy to our family....but soon enough we will!)

I also finished the book I was reading on the Workbox System and am looking forward to incorporating that system with the new addition to our family.  I think it's going to be very helpful for all of us.... There are still lots of details to be worked out as far as finding out the things that work well with him for school, but thankfully we have the entire summer to figure that all out and I've got some wonderful friends in my Homeschool group who are ready to help me out in any way they can.

My husband and I spent 7 (yes, seven) hours running errands together one afternoon last week.  While that DOES count in my mind as a "date", I am still checking (and double checking) the calendar for a dinner date night before he goes on a mission trip with our son later this month.

I've spent time with friends this month too.  We had a young couple over for dinner last week and enjoyed getting to know them better.  The kids and I also spent time with a new friend and her young children over the weekend, enjoying our beautiful weather at a local park.

There are only 2 Sunday evening classes left in the Proverbs 31 class I'm taking with a friend at church.  Having studied this passage a few times before, I am continually surprised at how I think I know enough and yet I am learning more new things this time than the last time.  I'm thankful for our teacher and her in depth, yet practical way of teaching and how she gently challenges us in our roles as wife.

My biggest "issue" to deal with is technically not that big of a deal, yet still something I haven't quite mastered.  You'll probably roll your eyes when you see that I consider this a problem..... But we've reached the point in my husband's rotating shifts where his days off fall during the week.  That means when the kids are doing school, he's off.  When we're off on the weekends, he's working.  I know that's a fairly easy problem to have and I do understand that.  The problem we run into is that both kids are in high school level work and we just can't take off during the week and then make up the work on the weekends.  Sometimes we have the need to do that, but it doesn't work every time.  

So, over this past year that my husband has been back on rotating shifts, we've struggled through figuring out how to manage his part of the shift.  For the most part, we've fallen into a rhythm that is working, as long as I constantly remember to keep my big mouth shut!  I realized three times last week (all three times I realized too late!) that just because I can say something to my husband does not mean I should!  There's a time, a place, and a tone and I failed at all three of those, all three times!

So, just as it is hard for husbands to be gone traveling all week, or on a crazy work schedule, it is just as hard for him to be home for 4 days during the week.  Maybe one day I'll figure that out better.....although God is showing me ways I can improve.

** There should be a big blog post coming early next week with more adoption update information!

What a Day!

Monday.....What a day it was!

My husband and I woke up bright and early and braved rush hour traffic and rain to drive over 3 hours for several meetings regarding our adoption from foster care.  We left the house at 7:30am and finally returned home just after 10:30pm.

Because this child has not been placed with us, I will not be using his real name, nor give out any information about him due to confidentiality issues.  Let's just call him "the boy" or "him", etc.... Sounds impersonal, I know, but I'm not creative enough to come up with anything better than that!

So, we met with his teachers at his school, along with his social worker and his foster mom.  All 4 of us were waiting in the hallway for his teacher when we saw him walking down the hall with his class!  He said hi to his social worker and foster mom and made eye contact with us, but didn't seem to really notice us.  It was still nice to see him face to face.

The teacher meeting was informative.  We met with 4 of his teachers, so it gave us insight into how they provide services for his particular needs.  After that, we met with his therapist and learned a little more about him and the progress he has made in therapy.  We also were reminded that he would need a slow transition our home but that both his foster family and therapist would help with the transition.

After those meetings, we had a pleasant surprise!  We were able to go to his foster home and hang out with him for about an hour!  We were introduced as friends of his social worker and foster mom and we played with him and saw his room.  It was low key, but lots of fun!

We will be proceeding with adoption and have plans in the works for a return trip next month where we'll get to spend a few hours over 2 days with him.  Then we might be able to work it out for him to visit us with his foster parents sometime after that.

There were some tears in the meetings yesterday.....From one of his teachers, from his foster mom, his social worker and even one from me!  It is clear that these adults in his life love him and want the best for him and that is good for us to know.  He has his issues, as every child who has been through trauma does.  But we feel better prepared to address these issues when he joins our family.  No word on exactly when that would be, but more than likely not before the end of the school year.

Please continue to pray for our family as we go forward with the adoption.  Pray as well that God would prepare this young boy for the transition into our home, as he doesn't quite understand the concept of adoption and he loves his foster family!

We'll update more as we progress!

 

A Little Bit of Everything......

Wow, it's been quite a week....and it's only Tuesday morning!

First, my NY Giants won the Super Bowl in another thrilling, down to the final minute game against the Patriots.

Then on Monday we got a wonderful email from our social worker that we will move on to the next step in our adoption process.  At this point, that just means a few more meetings.  But it's enough progress where I've started a list of ALL we have to get done in the next few months to prepare.

In the middle of all of this GOOD news, my husband has been feeling lousy.... Normally that's not too big of a deal, but this week is his birthday and we have one last BIG surprise for him that will be ruined if he's sick!  So, he's using a few of those many sick hours he's accumulated over the years and staying in bed today in an attempt to get rid of those germs.

We also have several friends and acquaintances dealing with a variety of issues.... sickness, children being sick, decisions that need to be made, struggles in their marriage, various stages of the adoption journey..... So I find my mind in a near constant state of prayer.  That is a hard concept to understand sometimes.  It's not that I am constantly praying, but that my mind is focused on the fact that God knows ALL of these things going on not only in my family, but in the lives of those we know as well as those we don't know.  And he's ALWAYS working, even when things look really hard or it seems that there is no end in sight.

So, as you pray for our family's adoption journey, remember that there are prayer requests that you will never learn of but God is still working, regardless of whether or not we know the details!

* Speaking of details, we don't want to post many at this point since we are still far from a definite placement in our home.  All we'll say now is that we are hoping to adopt a young boy.... Be in prayer for him as well as for our family!