It's Hard To Believe!

I'll warn you in advance that this is a long post.  We've got a lot of ground to cover.  So, get comfortable, get a cup of coffee, and enjoy!
 
This month marks the 17th anniversary that my husband has been in Law Enforcement...

That gets me thinking back to those early days...

- With no cell phones (how in the world did we live without them?)...

- With no clue as to the life I would be leading...

- Just married, with a baby on the way, in a new city and about to buy a house...

It's hard to be newly married to start with.  Then you add in starting into a life that is like few others.  I knew only one other LEOW and she worked so we didn't get to spend too much time together.  My husband's job was stressful, his bosses were terrible and I was a bit too self centered to be a helpful wife.  Sure, I took care of the house and the baby, but the long hours (14 hour days between the 12 hour shift and the commute) and the lack of a schedule (he was often called into work at the last minute) led to a very difficult first 2 years of marriage.

Thankfully, my husband was able to get his dream job at a different agency in our same area.  The boss was better, the hours were a little better (still 12 hour shifts, but less of a commute) and he was called into work less on his days off.  He spent a year with a "regular" schedule- 8am-5pm Monday-Friday.  That was lovely with a 2 year old and a newborn!

After that first year in the new job, he was transferred to patrol, with 12 hour days and a shift that rotated between days and nights.  Even though he had worked those hours at his first job, it was a hard transition back to that with 2 young children.  I didn't handle it very well.

I now knew NO other LEOW's and that was difficult.  There was no one to encourage me when we had no family dinners, no one to help me with dealing with crazy schedules, no one who understood what it was like to have their husband work all night and sleep much of the day...

Fast forward more than a decade...

- I have branched out and now know several other department wives and I am friends with a few of them.  

- I still get frustrated with schedule changes and long shifts, but I can manage those things better now.

- We make more of an effort to have a monthly date night.  Some months it is impossible due to my husband's work hours, but it still happens more frequently than it did when we were first married. 

- We were not able to have dates very often when the kids were younger because of money to go out and get a babysitter.  Once I found a very good friend with kids my age and a husband in a nearby agency, we traded off childcare and we were both able to have more regular date nights.

I've also learned that this career can change a person...  I can't imagine seeing and experiencing everything my husband has seen and experienced... In his 17 years in law enforcement, the following is a short list of some of these things, the good, the bad and the ugly:

• He's been threatened several times, mostly by drunk people he was arresting.
• He's been cyberstalked by a lunatic.
• He's witnessed several autopsies.
• He's investigated a murder the kids and I called the "freezer man" case... There's nothing like hearing of a man who was killed by his teenaged son, decapitated and stuffed in a freezer in the basement for a year and a half...
• He held a man in his arms for his final breath before he died of gunshot wounds.
• He has investigated several terrible murders.
• He has been on quite a few high speed chases and foot chases.
• He has pulled at least one 24 hour work shift... No sleep, just working.
• He has missed more church services, soccer games, Christmases, Thanksgivings, birthdays, and anniversaries than I can count.
• He has missed many hours of sleep.
• He has lost 4 co-workers; 2 in on duty car accidents, 1 in a line of duty murder, and 1 to suicide.
• He has made a few lifelong friends.
• He has gotten an excellent reputation due to his work ethic and personality.
• He has gone from the courthouse to patrol to property crime to person crime to Sgt back on patrol.
• He has been tired, grumpy, stressed, excited... 
• He has loved every minute (well, maybe not EVERY, but close!) of his 17 years!

So, as I look back over the past 17 years, I see how I was not at all prepared for this life.  It took me several years to figure it all out.  In many ways, I still don't have it ALL figured out.  Once you think you do, it changes... So, even with as rigid as I can be, I've still learned to be flexible.  The hours WILL be long, the stress WILL be there, the schedule WILL change.  I may not like it, but I DO have to live with it without making myself or my family miserable!

It's hard to believe that my husband is able to retire in 12 years.  Will he?  Who knows...