New Friends

Have you ever met someone new and found you could talk and talk and they understood you and you just knew you'd be friends?

I just met a whole bunch of women like that!

I love my family and friends.... They are helpful, compassionate, thoughtful and they challenge me spiritually.

But I have very few friends who understand this crazy LEO life that my family leads.... Many really, really try to understand and I appreciate that about them... But in the end, they really don't get it because they don't live it.

I found a group on Facebook (yes, the dreaded Facebook!) dedicated only to wives of Law Enforcement.  It has become a place where we feel safe to share a little about our lives without fear that someone will start threatening our loved ones, as is all too common in the online world.  The group is "closed" so no one outside the group can see our posts, which lets us open up to each other about things we would probably never talk to anyone else about...

We've shared funny stories, scary stories, schedule problems and quirks of the LEO life...

The black sock drawer?  We all have one!

Uniforms and gear taking over the closet, bathroom and bedroom?  Yup, here too!

Coming home late from shift or off duty or being called in on a day off?  Been there, done that!

Not being able to contact your husband for hours and wondering if something BIG is going on?  Too many times to count...

Hubby missing out on Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, church, soccer games due to his schedule?  We're so used to that now...

These are just a handful of the things that you just can't understand if you don't live it.  Now don't get me wrong, my non LEOW friends DO empathize with all we deal with but I think even they would admit they don't truly get it since it's not their life.  I can empathize with a friend whose husband travels a lot for work or is deployed in the military, but I can't tell her I understand what she's going through because I've never experienced it.  I am not better than anyone else because of my husband's job or the crazy life we live, but it's just a different life and  it's hard to truly understand if you haven't lived with your husband putting on 20 lbs of gear, including a bullet proof vest and a gun each time he goes to work. 

I have spent WAY too much time over the past few days in that Facebook group.  Thankfully, I've also been able to get everything done around the house, or there would be trouble!  But, it's so refreshing to find like minded women who truly understand!  Who know what it's like and love it anyway... 

 

Eleven Weeks Later....

It has been 11 weeks since I broke my foot.  And when I say broke my foot, I really mean severely sprained my ankle and broke a bone in my foot in 2 places.  It hasn't healed completely and never will.  I will have to see if it gives me pain or discomfort and if it does, I can choose to have surgery to have a pin put in.

In those 11 weeks, I've had a lot of time to sit and think.  I also spent a lot of time sleeping (pain pills will do that to you), and a lot of time watching Downton Abbey.  I didn't feel like reading, I couldn't move around well, and I was in pain. 

You really start to appreciate the little things when you can't:

• drive
• get in and out of the shower by yourself
• get yourself any food or drink
• easily get on or off the toilet
• leave the house except for a doctor's visit or maybe church
• clean the house (sure a break is nice, but 11 weeks?!?!)
• cook dinner
• do any kind of chores
• sit at the dinner table with your family

It wasn't that I couldn't do all of these things the entire 11 weeks.  Most of them lasted at least 6 weeks and others the full 11.

The break, the resting, the sitting and doing a lot of nothing was fine for the first few weeks.  But then you get restless.  You want to go out into the world and do something, but it's too much effort to even get out of your pajamas and your husband is working 50+ hours that week so there's no one to even go out with.  You get in a rutt and you want to get out.

I don't remember much of the first 2 weeks.  I watched episodes of Downton Abbey that I don't remember and I apparently had a conversation with a lady at church that she remembered but I didn't.  I felt bad that my husband had to work 50-60 hours a week, including 12+ hour days with some of them starting at 4:30am, and then he had to come home exhausted to help out with the evening routine.  My teenagers were VERY helpful, but there are certain things that needed to be done that they just couldn't do.  My poor husband is so tired!  I think he's more excited about me FINALLY being able to drive than I am!

I had friends and family that helped out a lot along the way.  They took me to the grocery store, drove me to church and homeschool group, brought me delicious homemade bread and took my kids to their activities.  There were people I only knew through Facebook (law enforcement wives are VERY supportive of each other!) who checked on me, encouraged me, and asked me how I was doing.

I know this period of time happened for a reason, and I may never know that reason.  I know that I had very important plans that were changed and God knew that all along and still allowed me to miss a step off my back porch.  I also know I could've used my time better, but I didn't.  

I look forward to the changes that will come from being mobile again.  I look forward to slowly walking up and down my road to get back in shape and see how my foot holds up.  I look forward to getting back into a routine and getting some order back in the house.

And I hope I never break a bone again!

 

It's That Time of Year!

Spring is here and with it means....

• Warmer temperatures
• A growing garden
• More time outside
• Homeschool planning!!

I have to admit.... I actually like planning for homeschool better than I like teaching!

So, these last 2 years have been nice as my teenagers have transitioned to a time where they do their schoolwork completely on their own.  I answer questions and I grade tests and papers.

I LOVE it!

Life is going to change next year!  We will be homeschooling our youngest, who has been in public school his entire life.

We couldn't homeschool him until our adoption was final and since that didn't happen until late March and school is out in June, we decided to leave him in public school for the rest of this school year.

W has some learning issues, so that is bringing a perspective into our homeschool that I've never dealt with before.  My teens were very easy to plan for and they could do a lot of work on their own or with minimal intervention on my part, even in elementary school.

It's going to be quite the learning experience on my part.

We've realized during W's spring break that he has a difficult time even playing on his own!  He wants someone to play with him all the time... He doesn't even respond well to ideas of what he can play with.  Seeing all of that developing last week, even our summer break is going to be "interesting".

I already know we'll be playing lots of games, doing a lot of reading, and having short blocks of instructional time.

I also know that this will be labor intensive on my part....  I'm going to be exhausted!

So, why would I choose to tire myself out, have little to no "me" time in order to homeschool a child with some learning issues?  Because I've seen what public school has done for him.  And I'm not impressed.

Now before you think I'm going to bash all public schools, teachers and parent who send their kids to public school, think again!  All I'm saying is that for THIS child and THIS situation, homeschooling is the way to go.  

I hope to address some character issues, increase our family bonding, improve his academic learning by teaching him according to his learning style and ability, and teach him important life skills.

We learned already this past year that for him, getting home at 4pm and trying to address all of the above issues is impossible.  So, while I enjoyed the quiet day time of this past year, I'm giving it all up to homeschool a child that is so very different from my teenagers.

Even planning is harder.  It's overwhelming.  Internet searches aren't even very helpful.

So, I've got a school schedule of 5-7 weeks of school and 1 week off... we can use that week off to regroup, if necessary, sleep late, take a field trip, do nothing....

I've got a basic schedule of things I want to do with W, but I'm sure that will change as I look toward the details of his day.

You may think I've got plenty of time to get this planning done, but I really don't.  With the chance of me having foot surgery still there, I need to get things done earlier than normal in case I lose weeks of prep time.  My teens are going on a mission trip in June and I'll also need to get them ready for that.  

I like to have all my prep and purchases done by the end of June and this year, it may even have to be done by the end of May.  So, time is ticking and I'm not ready yet!

  

 

FINALLY!!!

We weren't expecting to hear this news until mid April, but here it is...

 The adoption is final!!

Even though this is a BIG day in our family, it still doesn't change much.  From the day he moved in our home last summer, we considered him part of our family.  Now we just have the paperwork to prove that!

It may seem funny or odd to the rest of you but there are two things that make me most happy now that it's official:

1. No more paperwork!!  We had to fill out a daily grid that tracked his behavior and experiences relating to his goals.  We filled out daily paperwork for his medication.  We filled out a monthly list of contacts.  We filled out a monthly list of doctors or therapist visits, activities we took him on (at least 3 were required each month for the type of care he's in), and the date we had a fire drill.  I understand why we had to do this, but it was still annoying to keep up with.
2. More freedom!!  Only our approved support people could be with him without my husband or I present.  Our wonderful neighbors agreed to be support people (they didn't know what they got themselves into!) as well as my parents.  I can't imagine getting through this process without having those support people!  Now that we have more freedom, I can leave him with friends of our family too and that's a HUGE help!

 When he got home from school today, I told him the exciting news... As we had thought, his reaction was minimal and he just wanted to play some Wii!  I had to actually show him the adoption decree stating his new name!  Thankfully, he already had a therapist appointment scheduled for this afternoon so they can talk and help him process this new concept of adoption.

We had already planned on having take out for dinner tonight, so we are adding a special candy treat to that and having a small celebration!  A friend of mine is going to make us a special cake next week.  He also gets his traditional Friday bubble bath tonight, he can play Wii and on his IPod and can stay up just a little bit late as a special time to mark this special day.

So, now we are officially a family of FIVE!  Sure, we've lived like this for almost 9 months, but there's something a little different today. 


 

Getting Closer...

I got an email the other day from our adoption social worker that this long process is soon coming to an end.  The word from the clerk is that they will mail our adoption decree the beginning of April!

From the moment he moved into our home last July, he has been a member of our family.  He calls us "Mommy" and "Daddy" and refers to the teenagers as his brother and sister.  He even argues with us all as if he's been in our family for years!  But his last name is different than ours and that is what this decree will change.

It has been a long time in coming.

We were told we could file for adoption in early October, except we were waiting on other people to get their paperwork in order and that didn't happen until early January.

Then when we filed, there were problems with how the paperwork was filled out (not on our end) so the process was delayed while those things were corrected.

It's a 30-90 day process and when it's all over, I think we will hit over 80 days... With the way things sometimes go for us, that was expected by us even when no one else thought it would happen that way.

By the time we have the decree in our hand, it will have been 2 years from when we first made the phone call saying we were interested in adoption through foster care.  To some, that may seem like a long time, but it really isn't.  There were countless hours of training (and we have more to go to keep our foster care license current!), homestudy visits and meetings. 

It was actually pretty fast in the adoption world because from the day we submitted our list of children we were interested in learning more about until our first meeting about our soon to be son, it was only 6 weeks!  

From the day he moved into our house until the day the adoption is final will be right around 9 months... Just like a regular birth!

We plan on having a small family celebration once that decree is in our hand... Some take out from a favorite place and a cake that my friend is going to make that will show our new family.

I'm sure some of you are wondering if we're going to do this again.  And I can give my answer with great confidence.... MAYBE!  I have my eye on a young boy on the website, but I'm afraid that with the uncertainty of the healing of my broken foot, we won't be able to pursue anything right now.  So, who knows.... maybe later this year?  Maybe next year?  Maybe never.... God only knows at this point.  We do hope to do some respite care (taking care of someone else's foster child for a short period of time) and maybe even foster again.

So, what will I miss from this process?

• Our wonderful therapeutic and adoption social workers.... We have laughed together and they have been with me through pneumonia and a broken foot...

What will I not miss?

• Paperwork!  Oh my goodness, just when you think the pre-placement paperwork is over, there's the therapeutic paperwork!  In our state, there are 2 levels of foster care- family and therapeutic.  You get different amounts of reimbursement and so there are different levels of work involved.  With therapeutic care, there is daily medication paperwork, daily behavior paperwork, monthly contacts and monthly information, including what activities you have included the child in.  I will NOT miss this aspect of things!
• Asking permission to give OTC meds, take him out of state, etc.  I understand WHY we have to do this, but it's still a pain to have to defer to others who may not care what our choices or plans are.  Thankfully, his worker has been very accomodating.
• Training, training, and.... MORE training!  I also understand the need for training, but at some point you realize they're saying the same thing over and over again...

 We're looking forward to that day when it is all official!

 

It's Been Awhile

It's been over 3 weeks since I blogged.

There has been so much going on, but yet nothing much.

My foot is still broken and I still can't drive. 

We are still waiting for the adoption paperwork to be processed and finalized.

I've finally healed enough to be able to get around better.  I'm trying to make the transition to using only one crutch around the house so that frees up one hand to be able to carry things.  It feels great to not always have to rely on others to bring me even a drink of water or the phone!  We'll hear more about how the bone is actually healing at my appointment next week.  Apparently I have a bad enough break that I was a candidate for surgery the week after it happened.  When I got my 2nd xray a week later, the Orthopedist told me that if the break was in a slightly different place, I'd need surgery NOW... Oh my goodness, I am thankful that was not the case!  The doctor will see how I've healed after 12 weeks and decide if I need surgery to put a screw or pin in and I'm really hoping that's not the case because that's almost the last thing I want to do this summer!

We had a particularly busy week with lots of appointments, meetings, church and night shift.  And not just regular night shift, but the early one where my husband has to be ready no later than 6pm.  Of course, he is usually ready around 5:45.  There's nothing like cooking dinner at 4pm (well, cooking for me these days is sitting on the bar stool chopping vegetables) to eat at 5pm and then showering and getting your jammies on at 5:30 because you can't get in and out of the shower yourself.  Life could be worse of course, so it's important to keep things in perspective.

So, I am learning that the things we think are so important in our schedule aren't always.  If the house doesn't get a good cleaning every week, your family will survive.  If all you can do is lay in bed and then move to sit on the couch and then back to your bed again, do it with a good attitude.  If God sits you on your rear for a few weeks, you better not try to fight it and instead make the best of it!

 

A Change in Plans

I had it all planned out...

I was going to work really hard last week getting a ton of things done, so that my daughter and I could go out of state to help a relative who is going through a health issue.  Then we'd meet my husband and the boys for a school trip/family vacation.

But that's not how it all turned out!

I'm not an outdoors kind of person.  I do like to hike, but we don't get to do that much.  If I have the choice between reading a book inside or doing almost anything outside, you'll find me snuggled up on my couch with my book.

But last Tuesday was such a beautiful day that I decided to kick the soccer ball around with the kids after our youngest got home from school.

I was standing on the back steps and not paying attention as I turned to walk down... That was a bad choice, to say the least!

I missed a step, or landed wrong, or something...  I ended up breaking my foot.  I was hoping it would be a simple break, but it turns out that it was a pretty bad one.  Apparently, the bone broke in 2 places.  The good news is that I am in a boot and not a cast.  

So, for the past week, I've been home bound and bed/couch bound.  I've been instructed by the doctor to keep all weight off my foot and I've been following those orders.  Perhaps I've been overdoing it on the doing nothing, but I want the bones to heal.  

I'm forbidden from driving for SIX weeks.  After 12 weeks, the doctor will see if I need surgery to put in a screw.  That is absolutely NOT in my plans for the summer, so that's why I'm doing a lot of nothing.

So far, I've watched almost 2 seasons of Downton Abbey.  I've played on my Kindle Fire.  I've folded a load of laundry (mostly socks and underwear).  I've organized our taxes.  And that's been spread out over 6 days!

I have no desire to read a book, to sit on the porch or to play any games.

It's not even easy to just quickly use the bathroom.

Showering and getting ready for bed at night is exhausting.

Getting dressed and ready in the morning makes me want a nap when I'm done.

Normally, I'm not good at following doctor's orders.  About 7 years ago, I had a stress fracture in my foot.  My doctor told me to use my crutches and rest it a lot and it would heal in about 6 weeks.  I did none of those things and it was probably 12 weeks before it felt completely better.  So, that's why I'm resting this time around.

I'm not a person who is normally on the go every minute, but I do keep busy during the day getting stuff done.  I am a homebody and don't like the weeks where I have to be out every day.

But being able to do NOTHING and go NOWHERE is getting pretty frustrating!

My family has been helpful and my friends have been checking in on me and offering their help.

And in the end, compared to health issues far worse than mine, I really have nothing to complain about.  I should just sit and enjoy this time to rest, read a book, play a game with the kids, and quit my whining.

I'll let you know how that goes!

 

A Surprising Friendship

Just about a year ago, I met someone who would soon become one of my closest friends. 

The sad thing is how we got to be friends and get so close in such a short period of time.

For the privacy of her and her family, I won't give many details.  I'll just say that I was made aware of a crisis in her life and reached out to her during that time.

This family had visited our church with us around Christmas time and had been attending for a few Sundays.  The existance of a superficial relationship helped me be bold and confront her on some things.  God worked in her life and she was saved soon afterward.  But her crisis didn't go away; in fact, it got worse.

Over the next few months, I got to witness something I had never seen before in a friendship of mine.  My new friend, a new Christian, was seeking HARD after the things of God and challenging me to do the same!  We talked on the phone, texted and emailed and met when we could.  We read a book together and discussed what we learned.  Over the summer, when her schedule was easier, we met weekly at church to do a Bible Study together.  

She shared with me the details of the crisis in her life.  I was frustrated and sad for what she was dealing with.  She knew without a doubt that God had forgiven her and she had completely repented, but that didn't change what she was going through.  But she continued to cling to God and has gotten to see Him work a miracle in her life, one that even her young children and her husband noticed.

There were also times this past year where my new friend encouraged me... Through the countless adoption meetings and visits, through personal illness and a health crisis in a family member, through the stress of LEO life and in the fun times of the soccer season and vacations... She was there to text Scripture, ask how I was doing, give advice and laugh with me. 

If you were to ask me just over a year ago if I would reach out to someone I had met only 2 or 3 times and was 12 years younger than me and start a friendship and that we'd be as close as we now are, I would've called you crazy.  That's not what I do.  I don't reach out to people I don't know... I don't stick my nose into that person's life... I don't put myself out there like that...

The only thing I can think about this situation is that God knew what I didn't.  He knew that she needed my friendship and He knew that I needed her's.  And even now He is the only one that knows what lies ahead for her future.

If I had been content to stay within the circle of friends that I had a year ago, I would have missed out on getting to know a wonderful person... I would've missed out on seeing God work through the struggles she faced... I would've missed out on my own spiritual growth as well.

A Little Change in Tradition

For at least the past 5 years, our family has gone out of town on the weekend of my older kids' birthdays.  

It started as an easier alternative to having birthday parties.  With their birthdays only 2 days apart and with my husband's crazy work schedule, it was getting impossible to have 2 parties on a weekend where he was home to help.  I was getting tired of it all, especially so close to Christmas and only 2 weeks from my husband's birthday.

If I'm remembering correctly, we usually have gone to the mountains for a few days and one year we even had snow on my daughter's birthday!

This year, it didn't work out for us to travel.  With my husband's work schedule surrounding birthday weekend, all the planning, packing and unpacking would've been on me so it actually worked out fine to stay home to celebrate.

For our kids' birthdays, they pick the dinner of their choice (whether we are cooking at home or eating out) as well as the activity of their choice.

This year, we have a pretty fun long weekend planned.

They'll spend some time with friends this evening.

They'll get a surprise visit from longtime friends tomorrow.

The birthday girl will get to spend some time with friends after church on Sunday and then have the family celebration in the evening.

We're not quite sure what we're doing Monday,  but I think my son just may break out the 14 discs of extended edition and bonus features from the Lord of the Rings trilogy that my husband got for Christmas.  I know my husband will watch as well, if he's not able to work any off duty.

On my son's birthday, we're going out to lunch and doing a little shopping at the Lego store.

A friend of mine is making some delicious cupcakes for each kids' birthday dessert.  That takes a load of my mind in not having to make anything.  It's well worth the price to not have to make it myself!

It's hard to believe that this year, my teenagers turn 15 and 17.  I remember the days they were born as if they were yesterday.  They are sure growing up fast!  In just a few short years, they'll both be out of the house and living on their own. 

Our family is looking forward to another birthday weekend celebration for our teenagers and also looking forward to seeing what God has in store for them in the coming year!

  

 

 

Adoption Update

It's been quite awhile since I posted anything specific regarding where we are in the adoption process.  Since I actually have an update, I figured it was a good time to share!

In late August, in a phone conference with the social worker and Guardian ad Litem in the county where W was in foster care, we were encouraged to file the adoption paperwork soon after the early October date when we could legally file.  We had to wait 3-6 months from the date of his placement in our home before we could file.  Because things were going so well, it was recommended we file after 3 months.  We were all in agreement and I was told that the adoption worker in that county would begin preparing the paperwork we needed to file in our county.

October came and went...

November came and went...

Our adoption worker was keeping in touch with the other adoption worker and was only told that she was working on the paperwork.

Finally, in mid December, we were told all the paperwork had arrived to our agency!  Apparently we were waiting on the original birth certificate.  I thought that was an easy document to order, but apparently it can take up to 6 weeks to receive and who knows when the order was placed.  Regardless, the paperwork arrived just before Christmas and was ready for us to sign and get notarized.

Unfortunately, we received the paperwork on a Thursday afternoon, too late to go to the bank to get it notarized.  My husband worked all day Friday, Monday and Tuesday.  Our credit union was closed on the next Wednesday.  He worked again all day on Thursday and Friday.  So, it was 10 days from when we received the paperwork until we could get it notarized!  

I need to go with our adoption social worker to file the paperwork so we scheduled a date.... in another week!  

At this point it's really ok. What's another 1-2 weeks when we've already waited 3 months longer than we thought?  And while we wait, we still receive our foster care payments, which are much more than we will receive in adoption assistance.  So, it's all good and we really have nothing much to complain about!

After we file the paperwork, it will be an additional 30-90 days of waiting while it's processed.  We've been told it will take at least 30 days, but really shouldn't take as long as 90.  We'll just expect it to take 90 and then be pleasantly surprised when it's less.

I'll continue to use the waiting time to prepare for homeschooling W, either when the adoption is final or in the next school year.  I'll post more details about that in a future post.



 

2013 Goals

Early this year, I posted my goals for the 2012 year.  I did well in some goals and struggled in others.  But I found it was good to have some goals written down so that I could at least see what things I wanted to accomplish this year.  It was also important not to get tied down to getting the goals accomplished, even when life happened and made it virtually impossible.

So, as we begin another year, here are my 5 goals for 2013!

1. Read through the Bible in a year- AGAIN!  I did this last year and there's nothing wrong with doing it again.  I'm using a different Bible translation (NKJV this year; Holman Standard last year) and probably a slightly different format.  Our church preaches line by line through books of the Bible and at different points during the year I am involved in other Bible studies, so I find reading through the Bible in a year really does work for me in keeping me on a schedule and not sticking only to the books that I "like".
2. Travel!  When I looked ahead to our month by month plans (as of now, God willing), I saw that we will be traveling somewhere almost every month of the year, minus the crazy 3 months of the soccer season!  We are thankful for the opportunities we have to go to a variety of places this year and at a low cost due to having friends and family in different areas with places we can stay!
3. Enjoy & Prepare- Life will once again change when we I homeschool our youngest in the new school year.  He's different from our older children in how he learns and he will require quite a bit of one-on-one work with me to complete his work.  I'm used to my high schoolers basically getting their work done on their own, so this will be VERY different for me!  So, I'm resolved to enjoy these last few months of "freedom" before I move into a time where my time will be occupied much differently.  And because his learning style is different, I will also need to spend a lot of time preparing what he will be doing for school- finding the activities, games, books, etc that will help him learn.
4. Relationships- Whether it's longtime friends that you've lost contact with or new friendships you want to nurture, it's important to leave some time in your life for friendships.  They laugh with you through the good times and encourage you in the bad times.  Sometimes you lose touch due to circumstances in your life, but they're always there to pick back up with you when you need them.  I want to be sure this year to spend time with friends, those good friends you know you'll have in your life for a long, long time!
5. Healthy Living- Many people have the goal to eat right and exercise as the new year rolls around and they realize how much the ate during the holidays. I actually lost about 10 pounds over the holidays, but not in a way I would recommend to anyone- pneumonia and stress!  I'm sure I gained a pound or 2 with Christmas eating.  I think for 2013, I would like to continue healthy eating (little to no processed foods, infrequent eating out and healthy recipes) as well as being active (walks with my husband, hiking, riding my stationary bike).  I don't want to obsess about it, but simply to make those changes that will best help me to have an all around healthy lifestyle!

Last year, one of my most popular posts was on my 2012 goals!  That's good, because that gives me some sort of accountability in knowing that people know what I said I wanted to do and they just might ask me if I actually did those things!

What are your goals for 2013?

Tragedy

Last week, the unthinkable happened...

20 children were murdered in their classrooms...

6 adults, including teachers, a principal, and a guidance counselor were killed trying to protect the students...

A mother was killed in her sleep with her own weapon... By her own son...

There are many unanswered questions and many theories floating around. 

We are wondering about gun control and mental health issues.

We are wondering how and why...

We have few, if any, answers.

20 families don't have their children with them for Christmas, not this year or ever.

6 families also lost a loved one and even though they are adults who died, the loss is just as painful.

There are also 2 men who lost a mother and a brother/son and have the added grief that their loved one is the cause of this tragedy and the profound grief that HUNDREDS, if not THOUSANDS have to go through...

The children who survived and will at some point have to go back to school, if not in that building then elsewhere...

The teachers who saw a killer's face or heard the gun shots in the school and have to continue to teach with that fear in the back of their minds...

The police who responded to the unknown and quickly realized it was like nothing they have ever seen or imagined...

The medical examiner and his staff who had to perform too many autopsies on too many young people... and the officers who had to view those autopsies as well...

The firefighters at a station so close to the school who comforted family members for hours into the night...

The EMT's, doctors and nurses who were waiting and hoping to care for the injured but instead could only helplessly hear that there were so few injured...

The police and crime scene techs who processed a crime scene for hours in a location that should never be a crime scene...

The parents, siblings, friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, students, community...

So much grief, so much hurt, so many unanswered questions...

2012- A Review of Our Year

This is the time of year where many people look back at what has happened over the year and then they look ahead to the coming year....

This blog post will be a review of 2012 and in a few days I will post a look at 2013, including some new goals I have...

Here are some highlights for our family in 2012!

1. If I had to sum up our year with only one word, it would be... Adoption!  It consumed our time and energy from the 1st of January until the 31st of December.  We made many trips to meet the boy who would become the newest member of our family, logged many hours and miles in our van to transport for our weekend visits, we experienced many meetings and lots of paperwork and rules.  But we wouldn't trade it for anything!  Not only did we experience the process of adoption, we were also able to see that process in the lives of at least 4 of our friends!  What a vivid example of what God did for us when He adopted us as His children through Jesus' death and resurrection!
2. A phrase that makes me think of 2012 is new friends!  Through a variety of circumstances, I've made some new friends and have enjoyed getting to know them.  It's nice to have people to support you and for you to rely on, to laugh and have fun with, and to support and encourage.
3. Another thing I learned this year, whether through my own experiences or through my friends, is trust!  Here's the important part... That trust needs to be in God, not in people.  People WILL let you down and disappoint.  God is ALWAYS faithful and His ways are ALWAYS the best.  So whether you're dealing with marriage problems, health issues, needing provision, having family or children issues, problems at work... Nothing is too big for God to handle!
4. Support is another word that sums up our year.  I have a great support system in my homeschool group, a core group of close friends, and some other ladies that live the LEO life like we do and understand those stresses on a marriage and family.
5. Last but not least, Life is hard!  God NEVER promised us that we'd have enough money, no sickness or no hard times.  In fact, He did promise us that we WILL experience trials of many kinds.  The good news is that whether life is easy or life is hard, God IS always with us!

 

I'm a Fan of "Not a Fan"!

It seemed to take me forever to read this book that should have taken me 2 weeks or less to finish.  But it seems that these days of school and soccer don't leave me much time or energy to focus on reading... (And on a sort of related side note, it took me OVER 2 months to actually finish and post this!)

Now that I'm finished with "Not a Fan" (written by Kyle Idleman), I can say that it was worth the time!

This book really makes you look at whether you are REALLY following Jesus or if you're just going through the motions.  Are you REALLY willing to do WHAT He says, WHEN He says?  Is He your ONLY priority or one of your priorities?  

Sure, it's easy to read this book and start thinking of the people you know who NEED to read this book because you know they are going through the motions at best.  But when you put those thoughts to the side, you realize that YOU really need to read this book because we ALL go through the motions at one point or another.  We ALL need to be reminded that Jesus needs to be the one in charge and we need to be following what HE says, not what our friend says or what we "feel" is right...

A line in the book that I love is "They (fans) want to be close enough to Jesus to get all the benefits, but not so close that it requires anything from them." 

That should make you think of whether or not that statement applies to YOU!

What do we think are some of the "benefits" of following Jesus?

• Good health?
• Enough money to pay our bills AND have extra?
• A job we love?
• Stuff?
• Vacations?
• Well behaving, academically gifted children?
• A thriving ministry?

 But what if the TRUE benefits are:

• Strength to get through an illness or disease?
• Faith to get through a job loss and bills to pay?
• Comfort when our friends and family abandon us?
• Wisdom to deal with rebellious children?
• Patience to deal with a special needs child?
• Encouragement when dealing with a failing marriage?

Sure, sometimes the benefits of following God ARE tangible, but sometimes they're not.... Regardless, do we ONLY want those benefits that are pleasant or are we willing to follow so hard and so close that we WILL go through hard times as Jesus promised us several times in the Bible so that we can experience God in a way we never have before?

That is just one of the questions you will ask of yourself as you read Not a Fan.

Even though the questions you are asked in this book can be difficult, it is well worth the read and the look into your life to see just where you have put God in your life!

I recommend reading this book and be prepared to search YOUR heart!

  

It's Hard To Believe!

I'll warn you in advance that this is a long post.  We've got a lot of ground to cover.  So, get comfortable, get a cup of coffee, and enjoy!
 
This month marks the 17th anniversary that my husband has been in Law Enforcement...

That gets me thinking back to those early days...

- With no cell phones (how in the world did we live without them?)...

- With no clue as to the life I would be leading...

- Just married, with a baby on the way, in a new city and about to buy a house...

It's hard to be newly married to start with.  Then you add in starting into a life that is like few others.  I knew only one other LEOW and she worked so we didn't get to spend too much time together.  My husband's job was stressful, his bosses were terrible and I was a bit too self centered to be a helpful wife.  Sure, I took care of the house and the baby, but the long hours (14 hour days between the 12 hour shift and the commute) and the lack of a schedule (he was often called into work at the last minute) led to a very difficult first 2 years of marriage.

Thankfully, my husband was able to get his dream job at a different agency in our same area.  The boss was better, the hours were a little better (still 12 hour shifts, but less of a commute) and he was called into work less on his days off.  He spent a year with a "regular" schedule- 8am-5pm Monday-Friday.  That was lovely with a 2 year old and a newborn!

After that first year in the new job, he was transferred to patrol, with 12 hour days and a shift that rotated between days and nights.  Even though he had worked those hours at his first job, it was a hard transition back to that with 2 young children.  I didn't handle it very well.

I now knew NO other LEOW's and that was difficult.  There was no one to encourage me when we had no family dinners, no one to help me with dealing with crazy schedules, no one who understood what it was like to have their husband work all night and sleep much of the day...

Fast forward more than a decade...

- I have branched out and now know several other department wives and I am friends with a few of them.  

- I still get frustrated with schedule changes and long shifts, but I can manage those things better now.

- We make more of an effort to have a monthly date night.  Some months it is impossible due to my husband's work hours, but it still happens more frequently than it did when we were first married. 

- We were not able to have dates very often when the kids were younger because of money to go out and get a babysitter.  Once I found a very good friend with kids my age and a husband in a nearby agency, we traded off childcare and we were both able to have more regular date nights.

I've also learned that this career can change a person...  I can't imagine seeing and experiencing everything my husband has seen and experienced... In his 17 years in law enforcement, the following is a short list of some of these things, the good, the bad and the ugly:

• He's been threatened several times, mostly by drunk people he was arresting.
• He's been cyberstalked by a lunatic.
• He's witnessed several autopsies.
• He's investigated a murder the kids and I called the "freezer man" case... There's nothing like hearing of a man who was killed by his teenaged son, decapitated and stuffed in a freezer in the basement for a year and a half...
• He held a man in his arms for his final breath before he died of gunshot wounds.
• He has investigated several terrible murders.
• He has been on quite a few high speed chases and foot chases.
• He has pulled at least one 24 hour work shift... No sleep, just working.
• He has missed more church services, soccer games, Christmases, Thanksgivings, birthdays, and anniversaries than I can count.
• He has missed many hours of sleep.
• He has lost 4 co-workers; 2 in on duty car accidents, 1 in a line of duty murder, and 1 to suicide.
• He has made a few lifelong friends.
• He has gotten an excellent reputation due to his work ethic and personality.
• He has gone from the courthouse to patrol to property crime to person crime to Sgt back on patrol.
• He has been tired, grumpy, stressed, excited... 
• He has loved every minute (well, maybe not EVERY, but close!) of his 17 years!

So, as I look back over the past 17 years, I see how I was not at all prepared for this life.  It took me several years to figure it all out.  In many ways, I still don't have it ALL figured out.  Once you think you do, it changes... So, even with as rigid as I can be, I've still learned to be flexible.  The hours WILL be long, the stress WILL be there, the schedule WILL change.  I may not like it, but I DO have to live with it without making myself or my family miserable!

It's hard to believe that my husband is able to retire in 12 years.  Will he?  Who knows...
  

Holiday Plans and Traditions

My goal was to post on this topic BEFORE Thanksgiving, but a little "distraction" called Pneumonia changed those plans...

Here's a little peek into some Holiday plans and traditions at our house:

Thanksgiving:

• We always watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade while eating yummy appetizers.
• We usually have my parents and one set of my husband's (divorced and remarried) parents over for an afternoon dinner.
• We put up our trees and decorations either a few days before or the day after Thanksgiving.

Christmas:

• We rarely open gifts ON Christmas Day... Honestly, I'm the one who can't wait that long!  Last year, we would be away on Christmas so we opened our gifts on the 22nd.  
• We have appetizers for lunch while watching a Christmas movie, playing with our gifts and cleaning up.
• We usually spend the day with just our family.
• For the month of December, we've had a Christmas Chain- green and red construction paper links with a fun activity for each day of the month.  We usually have things we're already planning on doing and then fill in on other days with things like watching a Christmas movie or roasting marshmallows.  Now we have a "house" with numbered doors and have activities printed out inside each door.
• We go out to eat with my parents to celebrate my mother's birthday at a wonderful local restaurant that decorates beautifully for Christmas.

Now for the reality of this year....

• My husband had to work Thanksgiving this year for the first time in probably 5 years so we had to change a few things up.  In fact, he worked Monday-Saturday of Thanksgiving week so there was no time to postpone the big dinner to another day.
• We continued the parade and appetizers tradition.
• We waited to have our Thanksgiving dinner with just the 5 of us until my husband got home from work.  Thankfully he was ON TIME for the only time all week so we were able to eat around 6:30.
• We put our trees up the day after Thanksgiving.  I decorated less than usual, partly because I was still exhausted and also because my dining room, foyer and living room looked so beautiful from my friend helping me decorate that I didn't want to mess with it too much.  So, instead of taking out my 10+ nativities, I brought out my favorite few and used only those.
• We still have quite a few trees: the tall one in the living room, the police one (blue lights and police ornaments) in the dining room, a table top with colored lights and JESUS ornaments in the living room, a lit tabletop "Places" tree in the kitchen and unlit tabletop in our bedroom, and one in both kids' rooms.  Technically, that's 7 trees!  But we love them all!
• My husband is working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and every weekend in December.  We have to rethink our celebration time as a family as it's now greatly diminished from other years.  We'll still have fun, though, because we like spending time together.
• I imagine we'll open presents on Christmas Eve so that my husband can be there for it... If he gets home from work on time!  Hopefully even the criminals will decide to take Christmas off!  ;)  I doubt any of us will complain about opening presents early!
• We'll probably have a low key day on Christmas.  I might see what a fellow LEOW whose husband is working that day is doing and maybe we'll meet up sometime that day... 

With my husband working so many holidays this season (he's also working New Year's Eve!), we will have to adjust some of our traditions, but we'll still have a wonderful holiday season spending time together as a family when we can!

 

THANKSgiving....

Thanksgiving is just another day in our house this year as my husband will be working a 12+ hour shift.  He hopes to come home for a brief snack at some point, but who knows if that will actually happen.  So, we'll just eat our Thanksgiving dinner when he gets home near dinnertime.....


Meanwhile, here are some things we are thankful for this year!


Troops that are stationed overseas, as well as their families that are at home without them...

Helpful parents, especially when I was sick this month and my husband was working...

Adoption!  What a perfect picture of what God has done through His redemption of those who are His children... We've been able to see this up close and personal this year...

New friends...  I've had the privilege of making several new friends this year and it has been great getting to know them better...

Kids!  Mine are pretty cool, as are their friends!

Special times with family.... We are blessed with the time we are able to spend together....

Great husband of mine!  He's definitely not perfect, but he's exactly what I need!

Internet... Just as with most things, it can be a good thing or a bad thing... But to consider the resources at your fingertips in only a few seconds, it sure can help in certain situations...

Verse by verse preaching in our church!  They are NOT afraid to speak God's Truth...

It's our great country, America!  Yes, we have faults, challenges and problems, but we still live in the BEST country in the world, with freedoms that others can only dream of!

Next year... I know I probably shouldn't look ahead just yet, but we've got a LOT of fun stuff coming up in 2013 as well as several changes that will take place...

God's grace, mercy, forgiveness and redemption... What more can I say than that?

 

Second to the Job?

I follow a page for wives of law enforcement on Facebook.  It's helpful to get updates and support in a line of work that very few outside this life understand.

I saw a comment recently that made me stop and think.  A wife said that LEOW's (Law Enforcement Officer Wife) need to stop complaining about not getting to see their husband and that an LEOW will always be second to her husband behind his job.  She pointed out that her husband thinks he needs to check in at his department, even on his days off, and that means that he's passionate about his oath...

That comment made me stop and think....

Is it right for a husband to put his job above his wife?

My husband is a hard worker and when he is on shift, he is there 100%.   He trusts me to take care of things at home in a way that I don't have to "bother" him with things that I can take care of on my own.  

But when he's off duty, he's OFF DUTY.... Sure, he works extra jobs when they are available to him.... Yes, he takes phone calls from work when he's not on shift.... Of course if someone with rank higher than him asks him to do something on his days off, he does it...

While he has a great reputation at work and does his job with excellence, he doesn't for one minute think that the rest of them can't function without him.  

When he is on duty, he is there to get the job done.  But if I need him, he does his best to be there for me.  It's not always possible to even get in touch with him while he's working, so many times I have to take care of something because he's simply not available.  If I'm sick, or one of the kids has an important event, or we are wanting to go on vacation, he has no problem with trying to take the time off to be there for his family.  

I'm hoping I misunderstood this woman's comment.... Hopefully she meant that her husband is into his job 150% and not that she is content with always being second to the job.  I don't think I could ever be content with being 2nd to anything in my husband's life other than God.

I'm thankful to have a husband who loves his job, does it well, is thought of highly by his co-workers, but who also loves his wife and children MORE than he loves his job!

 

 

5 Things I've Learned or Confirmed From the Election

You'd have to live under a rock to not know the results of the Presidential Election this past week.

It seemed to me that this election season was extremely bitter.  I learned and/or was reminded of a few things during this time...

1. The mainstream media IS in fact biased against conservative candidates...  When you have misspoken words on the conservative side taken out of context and given days upon days of coverage, but you have misspoken words on the liberal side barely being given a day's worth of coverage.... That's called BIAS!  BOTH sides misspeak!  BOTH sides lie!  The only fair thing to do would be for the mainstream media to hold BOTH sides accountable for those words in the same way!
2. Our country is VERY divided... I think I remember President Obama in his first Presidential campaign talking about bringing people together?  I understand that this takes BOTH sides, but I have felt very little from President Obama in this regard.  I pray this changes in his next term as America so desperately NEEDS to work together for the good of this country!  BOTH sides need to compromise to make the changes this country needs!
3. Millions upon millions of people in America STILL don't understand what an incredible right and freedom we have in this country to VOTE!  There are countries in this world where you CAN'T vote!  There are countries in this world where you can "vote", which just means that you can check the box of the ONE person running because you have no choice or say!  I don't know what it will take for Americans to wake up and realize this and exercise their right to VOTE!
4. It still makes me sad that so many in this country care more about their paycheck, vacation, new car, pets than the fact that MILLIONS of innocent human babies have being slaughtered in the name of choice.  What potential world leader, cancer curing researcher, doctor, teacher, parent was not given the chance to LIVE because of "choice"?  It just makes me sad...
5. People can be MEAN!  This happens on BOTH sides of the political spectrum and it makes me sad.  It has gotten so bad this election season that I didn't even want to post about the issues because I didn't want to receive any more rude comments about the opinions I have.  We can NOT make generalities about people we've never met based on their opinion!  And yet I saw name calling from both sides of an issue.  I was called and idiot, ignorant and.... this one is my favorite.... "rich or married to a rich man"!  THAT one made me laugh!  Just because you disagree with me doesn't mean I have the right to call you names.  I have many friends with opposite political opinions from me and yet we show each other respect.  We CAN all get along, but we DO have to be tolerant of people with opinions different from ours!

I am thankful that this election is over and we can move on with our lives.  While the results of the election are not what I would've liked, it is reality and we have to work with what we have.  If we don't like the election results, we need to pray even harder for God to change the hearts of our leaders!

How NOT To Spend Your Week!

We made it through October fairly well, considering the CRAZY schedule we had...  Why did I assume November would be uneventful?

I was happy to spend some time last Monday afternoon with a good friend who was helping me redecorate my dining room.  We had lots of fun shopping and then sewing and decorating and the rest of our families joined us at our house for dinner that night.  The dining room, foyer and living room look GREAT and we have some more plans for a few things that are left in the dining room as well as work on the master bedroom.

Tuesday my husband took off work.  We at first had thought of heading downtown for a little field trip but we were all slow moving that morning so we decided instead to get milkshakes at Chick Fil A (Peppermint Chocolate Chip- YUM!) and run a bunch of errands.

I woke up that morning with a little tickle in my throat but didn't think anything of it.  Sometime in the afternoon I started feeling rundown and by the time we got home near dinner, I had a fever.

I stayed in bed for days feeling absolutely ROTTEN!  My fever got as high as 103.3 and along with that came the aches and chills.  I felt just absolutely terrible.

I had a meeting regarding foster care and adoption in my home Thursday afternoon that could NOT be rescheduled, so I managed to shower and get ready (in some sweats and the entire process took hours) and sat in my chair to get the meeting done. 

We tried to get some medical care Thursday night.  One nearby Urgent Care had a 2 hour wait.  At the second Urgent Care, we learned that apparently where I live, you do NOT need an ID to vote, but you need one to receive medical care!  Who knew!  They wouldn't even let my husband show his id and insurance card and sign something accepting responsibility.  No, instead they rudely told me they couldn't see me and we left.  Apparently the lady we spoke to is often rude, as the security guard told us when we left.  We are following up with a complaint.  I can understand the rule, but I can NOT understand treating someone in such a rude and nasty way!

So, we tried again on Friday morning.  The CVS Minute Clinic had a 1 hour wait so we went back to the first Urgent Care we tried the night before (NOT the rude place, we will NEVER go back there!).  We walked in, filled out paperwork and were in a room very quickly.  After an examination and chest xray, we had a diagnosis of Pneumonia!

You wouldn't think someone would be happy about having Pneumonia, but with how badly I had felt the previous 3 days, I was "happy" to learn that there was in fact something wrong and a way to fix it!

I had some side effects from the antibiotic the first day- a horrible pounding headache for hours and trouble sleeping.  Thankfully, I also had a cough medicine with codeine for the nighttime so I was able to sleep.  I spent the weekend on the couch and in the bed, resting up for the coming week.  I surely need to get caught up on some things and prepare for a Fun Family Weekend coming up!

My older kids took very good care of me on Wednesday while my husband had to work.  They kept the house in order and gave me some peace and quiet.  My daughter helped the youngest before and after school, which was a HUGE help.  My neighbor, who usually does the afternoon carpool was able to take the boys to school in the morning so I didn't have to get out of bed.  My parents watched the kids during our failed attempt at medical care on Thursday night, took the kids out on Saturday while my husband worked so that I could rest AND brought us dinner that night.  My husband was also a BIG help in cooking, cleaning and running errands.  I know he did NOT enjoy doing all of that, but it was all worth it when I ventured out of my room Saturday morning to a CLEAN kitchen!  :)

I was not able to exercise at all this past week but I did lose a few pounds from not eating.  I'm sure those will come back along with my appetite as I start to feel better.

I am so looking forward to feeling 100% and getting things done and spending time with my family.  I'm trying hard to NOT feel like I am behind on things.  Even though all I did from Tuesday night until Saturday was write the grocery list, attend the meeting in my house, go to the doctor and watch tv, I am confident that I can catch up next week and I'm thankful I don't have to put the house back together because my family took such great care of it while I was sick!